I think my advisor hates me!

[f4]

Dear everyone,

My advisor might hate me. i don't know what to do. i don't think I did anything wrong but he is so short with me sometimes and he doesnt' seem very interested in me. Sometimes it takes him over a week to respond to my email!

Is this normal? What do i do????????????

[gr8_guy]

They hate all of us.

[Tiger27]

Advisors are so busy. They sometimes seem as though they "hate" you but really, they are busy thinking about other things. They are trying to balance their own research. Also, they advise so many students that they cannot give each graduate student all the attention that the grad student might wish for. Just hang in there. You will find you get waves of attention from them.

[jsirl]

its important to not read too much into what the advisors do and say. They're busy, yes. Also, they are dealing with so many students. Anyways, sometimes they might seem like they are being rude or short with you when they are really trying to help you help yourself. They don't want to just tell you everything. They want you to be able to guide your own project. Once you are a professor, you'll need to know how to stand on your own two feet and not rely on them too much. AND, there's not even a discussion forum for professors like grad school forum. So, i would just do your best to not be affected by what they say and develop thicker skin.

[jabee]

I really think that even the most confident students sometimes feel like their advisor hates them. haha It is so typical. Everyone is always asking how to get along with an academic advisor. But i think that advisors like most students. I don't think they love them or hate them.

[parker06]

would it be strange to ask my advisor to lunch to sort fo break the ice? she is rather cold to me (or just busy, whatever). i'm having trouble connecting personally with her. should my relationship with my advisor be personal or merely professional? it often feels like she hates me!

[triny]

YAY! This is my favorite section of this forum! The "I think my advisor hates me" section!!

That's not to belittle your post AT ALL. I am just so relieved that other people have the same problem as me!!

Anyway, about you. i think that you SHOULD invite your professor out for coffee. Let me know if it works - maybe I should do that too! I think it sounds like a great idea and she will probably not go (since they are always so so so "busy") BUT it will get the point across that you are trying to build the relationship. AND if she does agree to go then its a bonus and you can have a relaxed meeting with her.

Just one bit of advice - make sure that you know what you want to talk to her about before the invite. It would be a shame if she said "oh gosh yes, that sounds terrific, let's go right now!!" and you just stared at her dumbfounded because you don't have a clue what you are going to say over a longer-than-usual meeting.

:)
let me know what you decide though. i'm really interested,
triny

[mktrias]

wow, the thought of inviting my advisor to have coffee strikes fear into my heart. i have enough anxiety whenever i catch him outside of lab and have to hold a conversation, praying that something new and exciting is going on with my research so i'll have something to talk about. i don't think my advisor hates me, although i'm sure there are times when he'd rather i were more productive, came in to work earlier, etc. (i try, really i do).

all this, and he's probably one of the nicest profs in the department. i lucked out, but even i am not exempt from fear. i think part of is not knowing whether my work is acceptable or not. sometimes he'll hint at things, but not come out and say 'you should really be focussing on thus-and-such more' ... although sometimes he does, and then i'm grateful. i sometimes think all professors have a hint of social awkwardness too.. just a guess.

[margo]

I've gone out to coffee with my advisor and it was okay but I'd rather not go again! haha I mean it was fine but I wouldn't say it was fun!

[mousewhisperer]

That can be very normal for some professors/mentors. Some are very busy, and others just don't care. I would say that it is probably not about you. I had one like that in my undergrad. If it really bothers you, maybe you can find another mentor.